mumbojumbo

2012-01-24T16:59:00.001-08:00

"missions is no longer about being zealous for God but it is a response to the love of God and who He is -jaeson ma

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

2012-01-12T16:09:00.001-08:00

Faith

2011-09-14T18:57:00.001-07:00

I can't believe how hard it is to have faith:
to believe that He is sovereign;
to trust that His way is better;
to exalt Him as almighty, all powerful, all knowing;
to surrender every single area of my life to Him who has plans to bless me and prosper me;
to believe that nothing is impossible with Him.

Through growing in faith, I see the more I need to die. There are so many things I'm holding onto tightly and afraid to let go because of the loss of control, the loss of knowing, the loss of my identity.

But to die is to live.

I love my God and I am willing to struggle through my lack of faith to live for Him.

HIGH WIDE DEEP LONG

2011-08-15T11:35:00.000-07:00

But now, this is what the Lord says:

He who created you, O Jacob,
He who formed you, O Israel:
'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name;
You are mine.'
Isaiah 43

More and more, God is showing His great love for me. How impressed and awe stricken I am - I am becoming more lovesick. This Great and Almighty God, who by His power and understanding created and formed me, and knows me by name. For His love is as strong as death: jealousy demanding as the grave.

You are mine.
I am yours.

depraved > deprived > deemed > redeemed

2010-11-07T16:11:00.000-08:00

got a wake up call: the world is depraved.
i knew this.
but no, i'm not living like i know.
my prayers are filled with "major problems" that are really nuisances,
filled with praise and worship, yes, because He is good,
filled with requests that aren't heart-felt, in which passion is not fully there.

the world is depraved.(corrupt, rotten, immoral, wicked)
sin, corruption, hatred, lust.
lack of long-suffering, kindness, joy.
lack of hope, peace, goodness.
lack of self-control, faithfulness, and love.
what happened?
it's getting worse and worse, the sin is seeping down towards the youth.
the prince of the world is getting his way with the children.
the line between right and wrong has disappeared - wrong became right.

the world is deprived. (robbed, stripped, become poor)
our sin has stripped us the privileges of having God around.
our sin has robbed us of the birth right under God.
our sin has taken us from the Riches and made us poor.
we are dead. not alive - dead.
we have found our highs in alcohol, drugs, sex, lust, greed.
we're looking to anything that will give us that satisfaction, fulfillment;
something that will, perhaps, cure our insecurities and scars;
something that will, perhaps, dress us to look like we have everything, make us feel we have everything.
but once we sober up, we realize we have nothing. we were robbed.

the world, deemed. (consider, judge, regard)
Love considered us, regarded us as His beloved, still.
Love probably didn't take any time to think about it because the Answer was easy;
Love, if anything, took a moment to consider the wages of sin, death, in which the Answer came.

the world, redeemed. (rescued, ransomed, delivered, saved)
God showed His love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us Romans 5:8
we are no longer in debt with our lives,
we no longer have to pay for our sin and give our lives to Death.
all because Jesus paid for every. single. person.
can you believe it?
the love of God is so immense, that the sin Christ bore on the cross turned God's face away from His only Son.
God couldn't be with His beloved Son when he died because of our sin that covered Him from head to toe.

wow.

i've got to pray for the world
i've got to pray for the youth
i've got to pray for their salvation
that they will turn from their wicked ways
to the Son who bought us at a price.

i'm done.

2010-06-06T22:47:00.000-07:00

how can i depend on you
open my ears to hear
open my eyes to see
open my heart to receive

I'm realizing more I need you.

you give and take away
you give and take away

Or maybe I just never had

Love Mercy Grace

2010-04-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

I need to love more
with mercy and grace

I need to be more faithful in prayers
patient and trusting

I need to honor others above myself
devoted and true

stubborn

2010-03-30T09:52:00.000-07:00

being stubborn is no good.

what?

2010-03-01T18:23:00.001-08:00

no, who.
who do i live for?
what are my motives?
is it for the world or for God?
friendships, relationships.
what is it all for?
who is it all for?
is it for myself?
do i need them?
yes, but why?

LOVE HATE

2010-02-21T20:01:00.000-08:00

Why must I be so sensitive to coffee.
Why
Why
Why

This conversation always happens to me:
Me1: Ugh, why did you have to drink coffee this time?
Me2: I needed it, I was so tired and needed to do work.
Me1: But you know what happens to you when you drink coffee. Especially when you drank it late this afternoon.
Me2: At that moment, I really needed it. At this moment, I'm suffering for it.
Me1: Now, I can't control my hands and arms and legs and my mind.
Me2: Sucks.
Me1: I know I won't be able to sleep later...
Me2: Sucks.

On the bright side, I'm awake.

PRO-CRASTINATOR

2009-12-05T11:49:00.001-08:00

I have finally hit the culture shock of humanity:
How different kinds of sin have
reached the norm in society;
and the manifestations they take hold of in people.
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you
will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
How these manifestations have taken a hold on me.

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. Romans 6:11-14

PROCRASTINATION AT BEST

2009-11-22T18:15:00.000-08:00

I have had this on my mind a lot lately, maybe for a couple of months now.
Today, Jean's comment made me think even more.

I wonder what it's like to look at me through someone else's eyes: to see if they see what I see.
Of course God knows me the best and then there are some who may know me more than I know myself. I've come to think more about this as I started teaching; just because there are so many times where my teacher told me to teach with more enthusiasm and expressions, when I had thought I went crazy. There are times where people tell me I'm too serious, when those were the times I was being silly, times they think I'm too silly, when I'm really being serious. Also, there are times where people think I'm such a great person when I'm really not. And then, there are times when people think I'm such a bad person when I think I'm great.......

People see me as a prayerful woman, but I'm not! Seriously, God knows...
People see me as an innocent girl, but HA, I laugh because it's not true, only God knows...
People think I'm unintelligent or intelligent, I always think I'm the opposite, but God doesn't care for that...

There's the person that I see from within and there's a person that people see from the outside: two beings that make one character for God.

autumn

2009-10-25T16:39:00.001-07:00

though i did not want autumn to come so soon, i am glad it did. while driving in today's beautiful weather, i basked in the beauty of God's foliage. everything so bright and colorful, in the three colors and shades it comes in... and to know that these colors are the colors of dying. how does God make something that is dying so beautiful.

on a side note:
my second graders are writing small moments during writing workshop. i'm working with one student and after skimming what he wrote, i asked him to read it for me because i could not decipher his words. i noticed that there was a consistency with one word -- "standtonliperlem".
what in the world could this be??
he began reading...
i went to the standtonliperlem. translation. i went to the statue of liberty.

ridiculous

2009-10-12T17:42:00.000-07:00

adj. arousing or deserving ridicule: absurd, preposterous. so foolish or pointless as to be worthy of scornful laughter
syn. laughable
connotations. could be silly, angry, fun, humorous, apathetic, etc.

i mean it in every way.

my heart is a sponge.

2009-09-27T15:41:00.000-07:00

I feel like God is squeezing my heart with His mighty hands, with His love.
My heart feels so tightened, uncomfortable.
He's squeezing out the bad toxins, so that He can fill it with His goodness.

Waiting for that release.

i tried working at a shoe factory. I tried, but I just couldn't fit in

2009-09-24T13:22:00.000-07:00

http://bmylife.com/

criss, cross, apple sauce

2009-09-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

But, if you go to school in Chinatown, it's -- Criss, cross, soy sauce!
(To sit Indian style on the rug)

I'm experiencing two extremes of behavior as I student teach. One school, no matter how much you yell, threat them with the yellow card, or give them time out, they will not listen, be quiet, or pay attention. At the other school, no matter how much you yell.. they will not speak up. It's so interesting across cultures to see the social norms that surface in school.

Two weeks ago, Thursday, was NYC's Fashion Night Out where many boutiques, malls, and brand name stores open up late at night, serving champagne, dessert, and other delicious snacks, just to kick off Fashion Week.

Here are a few pictures down Fifth Ave.

Real models eating pizza in the display case.

Free coffee and REALLY DELICIOUS CAKE at Tiff's!
(there were free iced tea, lollipops, and candy/choc, too!)

what is love? baby don't hurt me, baby don't hurt me, no more

2009-09-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

I'm continually reminded of the creativeness of God as I interact with His creation: family, friends, strangers, creatures, and the like. He created each and every one of us so differently, to function, think, act, feel, move, look differently. Through his creativity in His creation, I see the desperation that captures it all. The desperation of love. And this "love" that we so need, we seem to scour the earth and try to find it in places other then God. Not only do we search for love, we love other things before God. And this, I've learned, breaks Gods heart and He will show us how jealous He is. I fall victim to this all the time, and thank God for His forgiveness and patience, He's always there to bring me back to Him. It may seem so simple to love God with all your heart, mind, and strength, but love is not simple, therefore loving other things other than God comes in many different, complex manifestations. Scary, isn't it?

Aside from God, I'm continually reminded at how uncreative some people are, for example, Dennis' RA:

I mean, come on, what is that?